Get Stuffed! Letting Go For A Simpler Life

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Stuff!

Why do we have so much trouble disentangling from our possessions?

I have just moved house and have come up against two concerning things;

1. How much stuff I have!

2. How hard it is to part with possessions

While I know I’m not alone, it baffles me why we feel we need so much. Why do we battle so hard internally to let things go?

I know the battle is psychological and fuelled by emotions more than rational thought, but why do we associate so strongly with the things that surround us? Why do we imbue so much meaning into inanimate objects?

It seems absurd that I can’t part with some knick knack (a.k.a. ‘dust collector’) or a pair of shoes I hardly ever wear, but for some reason I find it hard. These objects and the feelings around them have a hold on me.

It doesn’t help that many things I am gripping onto are things from my Dad and Nan who have both passed away, but I also know that my memories of them are truly not dependent on these physical reminders.

My Dad and I often went to the speedway to see the sprint cars. One birthday he bought me a bag and a t-shirt which he had signed by my favourite driver. I will never forget this birthday yet I struggle to give away the bag I never use, or to throw out the signed t-shirt despite it being manky and old.

I know I don’t need the shirt to remind me of that great night, yet it seems that by getting rid of it, I am somehow also throwing out that special memory or devaluing it in some way. I know that my memories and love for those around me are not tied up in objects, yet it is hard to let go without feeling some guilt or anxiety.

It has got me wondering…

“Do we grip so tightly to our possessions because we don’t trust ourselves to remember?”

or

“Do we think that by giving things away we are also giving a little of ourselves away too?”

I would love to hear your thoughts on this as I am really intrigued by our associations with objects and possessions. I look forward to your responses. Until then, I’m off to keep unpacking and sorting through more ‘stuff.’ :-)

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Jess xxx

Are You In Need Of A ‘Life Renovation’?

Photo Credit: Alan Cleaver via Flickr CC

Is there an area of your life that needs ‘sprucing up,’ or even a complete renovation? Maybe some of your ways of thinking are outdated, too cluttered or simply no longer functional? Maybe your lifestyle has you running from pillar to post with no time for yourself, and you are feeling exhausted.

If your life could be improved, then today is as good a day as any to start a ‘life renovation.’ Too often we put off doing the hard work on areas in our life we know are looking and feeling a bit ‘shabby’ because we feel it is too challenging, overwhelming or we simply don’t know how to start.

While these are very real concerns, if we let these reasons and feelings stop us from moving forward, we will continue to live our lives knowing we are ‘just missing the mark.’ Not a great feeling. We know we will be falling short of what we are capable of, and the happiness and freedom we know we could be experiencing.

If you feel up to the challenge (and it is a challenge!) there is one thing you need to know before you start making big changes in your life. It is something I wish someone had told me years ago… 

Getting Started Is The Hardest Part

This week I have been painting my home and was absolutely amazed at how long it takes to properly prepare a room before putting a brush to the walls! Life can be like this too. When we decide to tackle something big in our lives it is easy to feel overwhelmed and to lose motivation.

Knowing that the beginning of any change is always the hardest (and most time consuming), will help us not to loose heart. It will also prepare us for the ‘negative Nelly’ mental chatter that also happens at this stage.

I have found the little voice that pops into my head at the early stage of any major change or task sounds something like this;

“You are never going to get this done!”

“Who are you fooling, you aren’t cut out to do this.”

“What is wrong with you? Everyone else is doing this so much quicker and so much better than you are.”

Sound familiar?

Personally I think we all go through this at some time or another. The solution, however, isn’t to try to stop these negative internal conversations, but acknowledge them and not ‘buy’ into them or allow them to influence what you do or don’t do in your life.

Hard, right?

These negative internal conversations always focus on our real and perceived weaknesses, making it hard to disentangle from them. While we all have weaknesses, we also have many strengths.

If we want to achieve real and sustained change in our lives, we have to consciously focus on our strengths, rather than fusing with our weaknesses.

Is there an area of your life where your negative inner conversations are stopping you from pushing through? What are you missing out on by allowing these negative views of yourself to dictate your current experience of life and your future direction?

While starting can be slow, it does get easier. You will begin to see progress. Stick with it. You aren’t doing anything wrong. You aren’t slower than everyone else, there is nothing wrong with your personality, stamina, or intellect…this is just how things go.

At times when I was painting I wondered if the job would ever be done. I am happy to say it is done and it looks fabulous. Was it hard? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely. As I have said many times before, quality takes time.

Patience, trust and self-belief are the cornerstones of building the life you want. Persevere and you won’t regret it. Start living your life, your way.

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Jess xxx

What Would You Tell Your 16 Year Old Self?

   Photo Credit: Nicki Varkevisser via Flickr CC

If you could have your time again, would you live your life differently? Do you have any regrets or would you simply apply the insight you have acquired to get more out of your younger years?

Attending Yve Lavine’s Sweet 16 photographic exhibition a few weeks ago, I have been thinking a lot about the question which framed her exhibition;

“What advice would you give your 16 year old self?”

While intriguing and thought provoking, it isn’t an easy question. When answering this question it is tempting to try to ‘save’ our younger selves from the challenges we have faced, but there is a problem with this approach.The problem is this:

It is often through the failures and bad times that we discover greater depth and passion for life.

While logically I would like to spare my 16 year old self from some of the challenges I have faced, including heart break and health issues, I realise and appreciate that without these experiences I would not know what I do today. The insight I have gained from the tougher times in life have led me down paths which have increased my happiness and my purpose in life.

My message to my 16 year old self would be this:

In life there will be set backs. Nothing is ever perfect, and nor does it need to be.

As a younger person I was definitely a perfectionist.

The problem with perfectionism is that it doesn’t represent the real world and how life works, and often ends leads to burn out. Perfectionism is time consuming and illogical, as most activities don’t require perfection. It also inhibits adventure, as the ‘fear of failure’ is ever present. Perfectionism truly is a ‘high maintenance’ lifestyle.  

If I had a chance to speak with my 16 year old self, I would tell her that her worth isn’t tied up in ‘being perfect,’ but in living a life of meaning and purpose, and in a way that is not harmful to herself or others.

I would like to tell her that it is okay to stuff up and make mistakes, in fact I would encourage it. I would like to tell her to enjoy the journey as much as the destination and to loosen up, to laugh daily!

Would my 16 year self listen to this advice? The chances are slim to none. She would have ‘known better’ or believed “Those things won’t happen to me!”

This reflective question is not about regrets, but about realising, appreciating and celebrating the wonderful wisdom we have gained along our own life journeys. With this wisdom we can shape our futures, and what inspired and bright futures they can be.

So, what would you tell your 16 year old self? Feel free to share in the comment section below, I would love to hear your answers.

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Jess xxx

Redefining Success

 Photo Credit: Sean McGrath via Flickr CC

What does the word ‘success’ mean to you? Do you think you are living a successful life, or missing the mark in some way? 

Last Thursday night I attended a wonderful photographic exhibition in Surry Hills by photographer, Yve Lavine. The exhibition was part of the Head On Festival and was called Sweet 16. Sweet 16 is a powerful project created around the responses women over 60 gave to the question “What advice would you give your 16 year old self?”

A fascinating question, and one that was discussed in a panel conversation and further explored during a question time. During the discussions an important issue was raised; what does being ‘successful’ mean? This got me thinking, “What does success mean to me and is ‘success’ different from living a ‘successful life’?”

When I started out in my writing career my definition of success was forever shifting. It started with “I will be successful when I get published.” Then it became, “I will be successful when I get regular feature articles published.” Then it became ‘I will be successful when I get published in this particular magazine.” Now it has become, “I will be successful when I have a book published.”

As you can see, defining success by specific goals or events is problematic. When we define success by achievements only, our notion of success always changes and our ‘success high’ is short lived. It also means the deep belief that we are living a meaningful life can seem elusive as the bar is forever shifting.  

There is nothing wrong with working hard to achieve goals, but there is another more lasting and meaningful way, to determine success in our lives that provides a solid point of reference.

Living a Successful Life

Some of the people in the audience put forward the idea that no matter what you do with your life, your life is a success when you can say the following things:

“I live in such a way that I make the world a better place”

“I am a good person”

“I live the best life I can, with what I have”

What a powerful idea that a successful life is a life lived with meaning, purpose and compassion for others. What an empowering idea that success is not what we achieve by others’ standards, but how well we have used the resources available to us.

I have written a lot about this topic, and strongly believe that a happy, successful and meaningful life begins by making the most of what we have, not allowing our limitations to be a barrier to happiness or success. 

Added to this discussion was a great comment made by Alissa Thibault, one of the women on the panel. Alissa believed that we needed to reframe the word ‘success’ with ‘fulfilment.’ She explained that living a successful life should be about living a fulfilling life, whatever shape or form that takes.

Defining success in terms of fulfilment means we can be successful at every stage in our lives, not just when we reach major milestones. Seeing success and fulfilment as intrinsically linked frees us to consider our past, our present and our future from a new perspective. We can look at our life from a perspective that is based on passion, purpose and meaning before we look at other common ‘success’ indicators like job titles, big figure incomes or homes in certain postcodes. 

Defining success in term of fulfilment, passion and compassion, means we can move through life knowing that we can always be living our best life. We can move through life never feeling like a failure or questioning the value of the life we are leading. It also frees us to follow a life that brings joy not only to ourselves but to others also.   

What are your thoughts about success? What does living a successful life mean to you?

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Jess xxx