Back when I was at university, I rented a house with two girls. Each Sunday the local florist would sell their flowers cheaply, and each Sunday the girls would do their shopping and come home with beautiful bunches of bright flowers. They would arrange them in vases and enjoy them for the next week or so.
I found this surprising…
Since when did women buy flowers for themselves?
Both girls at the time didn’t have partners, so I assumed that was why they bought themselves flowers. Initially I thought it was a little sad, because I was of the belief that if you wanted to enjoy flowers you needed to wait for that ‘special someone’ to give them to you. There was a problem with my way of thinking though…
I love having fresh flowers in my home; they make me happy and remind me that the world is a beautiful place. The problem was, however, that even though I had a boyfriend, I had only ever received flowers twice in the two years we had been together.
Was he a bad boyfriend? No, not at all.
Was it stupid of me to wait till he thought to give me flowers before I could enjoy the happiness they bring me? Yes, definitely.
I know I’m not the only woman who feels this way about flowers. The problem is many men don’t feel the same way. Flowers aren’t often the first thing they think of when buying you a present. Is there a problem with this? No.
What is a problem though is denying yourself something you love and that brings you joy when it is well within your own reach to make it happen. It only takes $6 to buy a beautiful bunch of Gerberas.
But this isn’t just about flowers, is it? Why do we wait or rely on another person to make us happy? Why do we take such a passive role in our lives sometimes?
I’m not just talking about women either. It’s never a healthy move to defer your happiness to someone else. It’s never a good idea to expect someone to ‘make’ you happy. Not only will you be disappointed, because people aren’t perfect, but it’s an unfair amount of pressure to put on someone else.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t enjoy happiness from those around us and from the relationships we are in...far from it. Relationships are the main area of our lives from which we derive happiness. What I am saying is we shouldn’t look solely to others to fill any ‘gaps’ in our lives.
I dislike when people get married or start a relationship and say the other person had made them ‘whole.’ What a burden for the other person. Relationships challenge you to be better but they shouldn’t ‘complete’ you or make you ‘whole.’ What happens if those relationships change or end for some reason?
“Make yourself happy. Don’t wait for someone else to step into your life before you begin to enjoy the things you love, the things that bring you joy.”
This Friday is Valentine’s Day. Whether you are with someone or not, know that the best way to enjoy happiness in life is to first make yourself happy. The beauty of happy people is they attract other happy people and the cycle is self-perpetuating.
Want more love, excitement and happiness in your life? Go out and get it…like attracts like. (Of yeah, and if you love flowers buy yourself a bunch this week).
xxx Jess xxx