Are You Disconnected?

Do you love your body for all it does for you, or do you only ever focus on all its faults, pains or discomforts? 

Do you just see your body as the ‘thing’ that gets you from A to B or the ‘shell’ that holds that wonderful brain of yours?

If this resonates with you, then like me, you are probably living with a high level of disconnection from your body. This is not unusual when you are a ‘thinking’ type of person, or if you have experienced physical or sexual assault or trauma in your life.

Our bodies retain a lot of information and emotion and by giving our bodies attention, it can bring up uncomfortable feelings. But there are great risks and dangers living without any body awareness. Ignoring the physicality of our bodies and living purely in our intellect can leave us unbalanced and unaware of developing injuries or even sicknesses. 

Last night this became so evident to me when I went to my usual yoga class. I usually go to yoga once to twice a week but haven’t for the past 3 months because I have had so many other things on. During the class I realised something quite profound…I have not been very loving to my body lately. 

I am currently setting up a business and it has been all consuming and I have found I have become quite obsessive in my approach. I am also finding it hard to unwind and chill out and I have completely relegated my body to the back part of my brain i.e. I have given my body no attention or focus at all! 

Not only is this ‘out of whack’ focus causing me to start to feel physical pain, I am not as happy as I used to be because I have lost my centre, I have lost my balance. I know it is time to slow everything down, turn my attention inwards and respect and honour all the wonderful things my body does for me. It is time to start to re-engage with my body and the happiness, relaxation and pleasure it adds to my life.  

Can you relate? How long has it been since you were actually aware of how your body is experiencing life?  

If it has been too long, then maybe you could start doing what I am trying…bring more awareness to your body. I am doing this in simple ways, like noticing the feel of water on my skin in the shower in the morning, instead of it being a frenetic time of mentally trying to work out what has to be done in the day and how I am going to do it all! 

I am also trying to notice how food tastes and feels when I eat it, rather than just gobbling it down and having no real recollection of any sensations except to register that I am full. One way I am doing this is putting my knife and fork down during bites so I can focus and be in the present moment. 

I am surprised I have let my life get so out of balance. It was this lack of balance that contributed to me getting sick with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome 6 years ago. It seems I have been swept up in the excitement of life and possibilities and have got back into bad habits. Time to re-shift the focus... 

How about you?   

Jess xxx

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Putting Your Best Foot Forward

Photo Source: Pattys-Photos via Flickr CC 

I couldn’t wait to get to this week’s topic in the Happiness Today series, because this is when the real fun begins. If we want to start enjoying more peace and happiness, we must be willing to stretch our brains, engage our imaginations and be willing to think outside the box. Step four in my four steps to happiness is about starting a journey of discovery and rebuilding.

Up unto this point in the Happiness Today series, I have said we need to hold off from putting a positive spin on the circumstances of our lives, because we need to give ourselves a chance to be real, to grieve and to feel all the ‘less ideal’ emotions and feelings of life.

Once we have done this (no easy feat), we can begin to rise from the ashes to set our lives alight again, re-capturing our passion and zest for life. This week we start to look for the positives in our lives and build our new foundations based on our capacity and ability. There is only one question we need to ask ourselves in this phase;

“What can I do with what I have?”

I read a book about five years ago which completely changed how I viewed my own limitations in the wake of being diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. If you haven’t read The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby, do yourself a favour and grab a copy.

Jean-Dominique ‘wrote’ this book with the one ability he had left to him…the ability to blink his eyes. After suffering a stroke at the age of 43, Jean-Dominique was left completely paralysed in a condition called ‘locked in syndrome,’ a syndrome where the brain is active and functional but the body isn’t.

I couldn’t imagine a worse situation. Even in this horrendous state, Jean-Dominique was able to focus on his one remaining ability and make the most of it. He went on to ‘write’ his book, using a devised communication system where he would blink when an assistant read the letter in the alphabet he wanted to use in his sentence formation.

Jean-Dominique’s story is a very sobering one indeed…

If we focus on what we can’t change or on what we wish were different, not only do we deplete ourselves of our precious energy, but we also fail to see the possibilities and opportunities around us.

If we focus on our abilities, we remain open to wonderful opportunities for development and change, and more importantly, the chance to leave our unique mark on the world.

Tim Ferguson is another person doing just that. I just finished reading Tim’s book ‘Carry A Big Stick: A funny, fearless life of friendship, laughter and MS.’ Tim has a successful comedic career and only a few years ago shared with the public that he has Multiple Sclerosis (MS). There was one particular line from his book that sums up step four in our happiness journey well; “MS does not define me. I wish to define MS.”

There is great power in not allowing our limitations to confine or define us. There is great happiness and joy to be found in celebrating our capacity and what we can make from it.

When we realise that happiness does not lie in the things we don’t have but in the way we utilise and enjoy the things we do have, life becomes lighter, more joyous and more fulfilling.

How can you start to discover a more vibrant life based on what you have?

Start Today

1. What is one limitation you get hung up on?

2. Does this limitation define or confine you in any way? How?

3. How would your life be different if you didn’t have this limitation?

4. What is your greatest strength and passion in life?

5. How could you use your strengths and passion in life to create the type of life you identified in question 3?

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Jess xxx

Why You Shouldn’t Give Up

There are times in life when it’s hard to believe that things are going to get better. When your life starts to go a bit ‘pear-shaped’ it’s easy to get bogged down in negative feelings and to feel completely overwhelmed. Don’t give up.

 

Photo Source: Sylphwood via Flick CC

At times like this, we so desperately want to know it is going to be okay; that we are going to make it through. Sometimes it is hard to find that hope, that belief in our ability to be strong and resilient. I know this because I have been on the other side of happiness, health and hope myself.

Six years ago my life was unrecognisable.

Six years ago I lost my health, and with it my job, my independence and my sense of self. While I was optimistic about life, I wasn’t sure I would recover. Without recovery I feared I might not achieve the things in my life I so desperately wanted to.

After finding there was no cure for my illness, or any treatments that helped me, I had to accept that I might never work fulltime, travel overseas, dance or exercise again, get married or have children. This was certainly not the life I had envisaged for myself, yet this was the path I was on.

Despite what was happening to me, I was determined not to let illness rob me of my happiness and my chance to live a life I was proud of. So I made the hard decision to accept my reality…to let go of my monkey grip on my ‘pre-planned’ dreams.

Instead, I looked at my life from a new perspective. Based on the ‘new me,’ I looked at what capacity I still had, what I could still do to live a good life. I also understood the preciousness of life, and began doing more things that brought me joy and happiness.

What I didn’t know at the time was how this decision to shift my mindset would transform my life in so many wonderful ways. What I didn’t know was that life was going to get much better and that I didn’t need to wait for a cure to start living well.

Six years since my diagnosis, my life is again unrecognisable…but this time in a good way.

While I haven’t recovered fully, in the last few years I have been able to re-enter the workforce (although still not full time), I started salsa dancing where I met a lovely man who has been my boyfriend for the past two years. With this supportive and loving man I have been able to travel to some fantastic countries around the world.

I really couldn’t have pictured any of this happening six years ago. I never imagined that I would be standing under the Eiffel Tower, but in 2012 that was exactly what I did. Last week I celebrated my 29^th birthday, and like all birthdays, it became an opportunity for reflection.

I am humbled by the life I am now living; I feel so much happiness and gratitude. I still have significant limitations, only this weekend I was back in bed feeling quite sick because I did too much during the week. But that’s okay because I have accepted that this is part of my life.

You see when you lose so much, anything you gain you feel so profoundly. The first time I put sneakers on to go for a walk I almost cried. It felt so great to be able to do something I hadn’t for years; something I wasn’t sure I would ever get to do again.

No one is immune to hardship, be it from illness or a whole gamut of other life issues. If we want to live well amidst our hardships, though, we must choose how we will respond to our life. German writer, Walter Anderson says it well;

“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.”

Is it easy? No. At times it feels nothing short of horrendous. It can seem unfathomable that you will feel good again, but you will. It can feel impossible that one day you might wake up and not experience dread, fear, anxiety or sadness the second your eyes are open, but you will.

It’s not time to give up your hopes and dreams. Now is the time to commit to living as well as you can in the moment that you are in. Now is the time to “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can,” as Arthur Ashe an American tennis player so wisely said.

Hang on tight, it gets easier. Great things can come from some of the worst situations in our lives…happiness can break through.

Xxx Jess xxx