Putting Your Best Foot Forward

Photo Source: Pattys-Photos via Flickr CC 

I couldn’t wait to get to this week’s topic in the Happiness Today series, because this is when the real fun begins. If we want to start enjoying more peace and happiness, we must be willing to stretch our brains, engage our imaginations and be willing to think outside the box. Step four in my four steps to happiness is about starting a journey of discovery and rebuilding.

Up unto this point in the Happiness Today series, I have said we need to hold off from putting a positive spin on the circumstances of our lives, because we need to give ourselves a chance to be real, to grieve and to feel all the ‘less ideal’ emotions and feelings of life.

Once we have done this (no easy feat), we can begin to rise from the ashes to set our lives alight again, re-capturing our passion and zest for life. This week we start to look for the positives in our lives and build our new foundations based on our capacity and ability. There is only one question we need to ask ourselves in this phase;

“What can I do with what I have?”

I read a book about five years ago which completely changed how I viewed my own limitations in the wake of being diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. If you haven’t read The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby, do yourself a favour and grab a copy.

Jean-Dominique ‘wrote’ this book with the one ability he had left to him…the ability to blink his eyes. After suffering a stroke at the age of 43, Jean-Dominique was left completely paralysed in a condition called ‘locked in syndrome,’ a syndrome where the brain is active and functional but the body isn’t.

I couldn’t imagine a worse situation. Even in this horrendous state, Jean-Dominique was able to focus on his one remaining ability and make the most of it. He went on to ‘write’ his book, using a devised communication system where he would blink when an assistant read the letter in the alphabet he wanted to use in his sentence formation.

Jean-Dominique’s story is a very sobering one indeed…

If we focus on what we can’t change or on what we wish were different, not only do we deplete ourselves of our precious energy, but we also fail to see the possibilities and opportunities around us.

If we focus on our abilities, we remain open to wonderful opportunities for development and change, and more importantly, the chance to leave our unique mark on the world.

Tim Ferguson is another person doing just that. I just finished reading Tim’s book ‘Carry A Big Stick: A funny, fearless life of friendship, laughter and MS.’ Tim has a successful comedic career and only a few years ago shared with the public that he has Multiple Sclerosis (MS). There was one particular line from his book that sums up step four in our happiness journey well; “MS does not define me. I wish to define MS.”

There is great power in not allowing our limitations to confine or define us. There is great happiness and joy to be found in celebrating our capacity and what we can make from it.

When we realise that happiness does not lie in the things we don’t have but in the way we utilise and enjoy the things we do have, life becomes lighter, more joyous and more fulfilling.

How can you start to discover a more vibrant life based on what you have?

Start Today

1. What is one limitation you get hung up on?

2. Does this limitation define or confine you in any way? How?

3. How would your life be different if you didn’t have this limitation?

4. What is your greatest strength and passion in life?

5. How could you use your strengths and passion in life to create the type of life you identified in question 3?

Did you find this post helpful? Leave a comment below, send this link to a friend, or sign up to be part of the hope inspired community.

Jess xxx

2014: Same Same or Different?

Do you want to make this year count like no other? Are you sick of seeing your dreams confined to paper, or maybe they are still camping out in your mind?

Are you afraid or daunted by what might need to happen to get your life to a point where you can happily say, “Yep, this is it. I’m where I want to be and I love my life”?

Don’t wait till you are ‘ready,’ or all your ducks are lined up. Start now.

Fuelled or Flat? Don’t Let Fear Leave You in Neutral

Do you remember the exhilarating feeling of adrenalin moving through your body after deciding to do something exciting yet scary? Or has this become an unfamiliar feeling to you? Maybe, like me, it’s been too long since you’ve felt that surge of energy.

Stepping out of your comfort zone, while also stepping into a life which truly inspires and excites you, is a sure way to stop feeling flat.    

Most of you know that for the past five years I’ve been living with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This illness has led me down a path that is far more hopeful, compassionate, enjoyable and balanced, yet my ability to set goals and to dream is not like it used to be.

A common by-product of living with illness is low self-esteem. A compromised self-esteem, coupled with low energy, has meant I’ve struggled to know if I’m capable of pulling things off like I used to.  

This was never a problem for me in the past. 

Challenging the Boundaries

Growing up I was into everything. I tried every new venture that sparked my interest. I loved the excitement of pushing myself beyond the things I knew. I took up public speaking, joined the Army Cadets, learnt an instrument, auditioned for school musicals.

I loved exploring those areas which were on the other side of what I knew I could do. The possibility of failure kept me on my toes and keenly engaged in life. I discovered that my capacity to achieve was great, so long as I didn’t let fear hold me back.   

Moving into 2014 I knew I had a strong desire to achieve more than I had been, but I also felt like something was missing.

Tunnel Vision

It was a conversation with my mum about a man who built a tunnel through a mountain in New Zealand that made me realise I was missing the ‘old me.’ I was missing the ‘me’ that would respond to life with more courage, self-belief and vision.

Over the past week I’ve asked myself what I want to achieve this year, and for the first time in years I haven’t discounted the dreams that seemed ‘too big.’

Dreaming big this year isn’t about throwing myself into huge projects that would leave me exhausted and sick. If illness has taught me nothing else, it’s taught me to respect my body, protect my health and live a balanced life.

 

 

For me, ‘dreaming big’ is about letting my mind wander into those enchanted forests of creative ideas and consciously deciding not to let fear be the reason I say no and turn back.

 

 

 

  

 

 

I’m still finessing the shape these creative ideas are going to take this year. I look forward to sharing them with you once they are finalised.

What would you like to achieve this year if you ignored your fear or self-doubt?  

I have friends doing some wonderful things this year - it seems I’m not alone in feeling a need to expand my thinking. I look forward to hearing how 2014 can be the year that stands out for you.

Stay on track, motivated and inspired. Make 2014 the year you live your best life. Click here to receive my fortnightly update or ‘follow by email’ above.  

xxx Jess xxx

Embracing Uncertainty

How do you feel about uncertainty? Do you do everything imaginable to try to control what happens in your life? It’s not unusual to desire control after you experience unhappy or traumatic events in life. Desiring control can be an unconscious attempt to ensure that you don’t have to deal with any more negative ‘surprises’ in life. Control is often an attempt at self-protection. Sound familiar?

I knew this feeling well after losing my health through Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at age 23, and when my Dad passed away suddenly one night at the age of 61. The old saying of having the rug pulled out from under you is definitely how I felt. Despite knowing that I couldn’t control what happened in my life - as these two circumstances had clearly shown me - I still tried nevertheless.

Trying to control the uncontrollable, however, is exhausting. By looking out for ‘attacks’ or ‘risks’ that might undermine my current situation, I end up anxious and unhappy. In Deepak Chopra’s book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success,” in the sixth law, “The Law of Detachment,” he explains that when we seek certainty in life, we are actually reacting to our feelings of insecurity and fear.

Chopra proposes that instead of seeking the ‘elusive’ sense of certainty in life, we should embrace the inherent wisdom of uncertainty.

The Wisdom of Uncertainty

Within uncertainty is the possibility of change. While change can be scary, it can also open up opportunities for new and exciting developments in your life. Change can also provide the opportunity to free yourself from your past, breaking cycles that no longer serve you.

When you resist change and stick with what you know you cease to grow as a person. Chopra writes;

The search for security and certainty is actually an attachment to the known. And what’s the known? The known is the past. The known is nothing other than the prison of past conditioning. There’s no evolution in that – absolutely none at all. And when there is no evolution, there is stagnation, entropy, disorder and decay.

Releasing your need for certainty, and unbinding yourself from your attached ideas about life, your journey will become more exciting, less stressful and more successful.

It’s worth remembering that there are always multiple ways to reach your goals and dreams. By attaching your happiness to one version of how your life should unfold, you limit yourself. ‘...If you have a very clear idea of what’s going to happen and you get rigidly attached to it, then you shut out a whole range of possibilities,” says Chopra.

“With uncertainty factored in, you might change direction in any moment if you find a higher ideal, or if you find something more exciting. You are also less likely to force solutions on problems, which enables you to stay alert to opportunities,” continues Chopra.

When faced with uncertainty most of us fail to remember how adaptable we are as human beings. When I was young my family moved out of the home I had grown up in. I feared that I wouldn’t cope with the change. Within a week of being in our new home, however, I had almost forgotten what it was like to live in our old home.

In times of uncertainty it can help to remind yourself that it is likely you will deal with change more successfully than you give yourself credit for.

“The Law of Detachment” teaches that by embracing uncertainty and detaching from specific outcomes, you can begin to live a life that is driven by adventure and curiosity, and less by fear and insecurity. There are many paths that lead to your hopes and dreams and embracing uncertainty encourages you to be more flexible, accepting and adaptable to the surprising nature of life.

How could you embrace uncertainty in your life at the moment?

Jessica Stead xxx

Could Failure Be A Good Thing?

Can you give yourself permission to fail in order to succeed? Too often we live conservative lives for fear that we might 'fail.' In the process, however, we miss out on some of life's most amazing opportunities and lessons. Read more in my latest article 'Failing in Order to Succeed.'  http://www.maketheworldmove.com/failing-in-order-to-succeed-by-jessica-stead-make-the-world-move/

The Path of Least Resistance

Do you ever stop to consider how you use your energy? Would you be surprised to learn that how you think about your life, can either zap or generate energy? Following on from my last post, “Loving Your Life,” I will share with you three of Deepak Chopra’s ideas that will help you conserve and use your energy in life affirming ways.

In Chopra’s fourth spiritual law, “The Law of Least Effort,” he explains that to do this you must free and re-direct your energy by learning the art of acceptance, responsibility and defencelessness. By doing this you can live a life with less resistance and more joy.

1. Acceptance

When you get stuck on what could have been, and stress over what might be, you deplete your body of vital energy...it’s exhausting. You can’t change the past and you can’t control the future, but you can choose how you respond to your present moment.

Chopra suggests that the first secret to living an easier life is to accept your present reality. He explains that this means accepting that ‘…this moment is as it should be.” However, it doesn’t mean giving up on what you desire. “You can wish for things in the future to be different, but in this moment you have to accept things as they are.”

What are the benefits of ‘going with’ your reality instead of resisting it? Chopra says “Any time you encounter resistance, recognize that if you force the situation, the resistance will only increase.” Does this sound familiar to you?

Have you been in a situation that you tried to force, only to end flat on the floor, exhausted, and no closer to your goal? I certainly have. I think Chopra is right, don’t push back against resistance or you will only meet more resistance. You will have expended all your energy and will have nothing to show for it, except maybe more frustration than you when started.

Instead of resisting what is, Chopra encourages us to have patience and to trust. Just like a good gardener, Chopra tells us to plant the seeds of your dreams and desires, to nurture them, but ultimately to wait for the right season for them to bloom. Too many times, you become impatient and begin to dig up those seeds looking for shoots, killing off any chance of your dreams taking root and then blossoming in the future.

When you realise that life unfolds as it’s meant to, you free yourselves of so much anxiety, fear and stress. As the Bible says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything. In life there will be good times and bad times, times of success and failure, sadness and happiness, richness and poverty, health and illness. Understanding and accepting that this is what makes up life, you can begin to move through these times with confidence that you don’t need to resist the natural ebb and flow of life.

Free up vital energy by accepting your life as it is today, be patient and trust that good things will happen in the future, and redirect your energy in positive and loving ways.

How can you do that? Chopra’s next tip is to come to terms with your own responsibility in life and your own power to change how you feel about your circumstances.

2. Responsibility

Feel upset about certain events or how you have been treated in the past? It isn’t people or events you are reacting to when you get upset; rather, you are reacting to your feelings about those events and people, explains Chopra.

Want more control over how you feel about your life? Stop blaming anyone or anything else for your situation and begin responding to how you feel and change it, says Chopra. He encourages us to look beyond the issues you are dealing with to see what you can learn.

“All problems contain the seeds of opportunity, and this awareness allows you to take the moment and transform it to a better situation or thing…you will have many teachers around you, and many opportunities to evolve,” says Chopra.

3. Defencelessness

Lastly, Chopra’s third suggestion is to give up the desire or ‘need’ to convince others of your point of view. This is a major energy zapper and often has little impact. Not only shouldn’t you argue your point of view, Chopra encourages us to have an open mind explaining, “You don’t want to stand rigid like a tall oak that cracks and collapses in the storm. Instead, you want to be flexible, like a reed that bends with each storm and survives.”

If you are like me, then you will also need regular reminders that joy and peace aren’t found by resiting your life, but by embracing your life with acceptance and responsibility. You only need to look back on your life to see how true this fourth spiritual law is.

Recently I was resisting my life and getting increasingly agitated that things weren’t unfolding as I had hoped and expected. I was getting further and further into a hole, created by my own mindset and my gritted determination to ‘make it happen.’ Needless to say, nothing did happen. I was stuck in an utterly frustrating holding pattern.

It was only when I accepted things as they were, chose to re-direct my energy into new ideas and projects, and decided to let those other issues unfold as they needed to, that things began to really change.

Within a week the goals I had been pushing for months, were realised! Yes, it took longer than I had hoped, but it had happened. I sat back and thought “wow, what a waste of energy that was getting so agitated when things felt like they weren’t moving.” I hope next time I meet life’s roadblocks I can remember that everything unfolds in its own time, and not to get caught up in what I think ‘should’ be happening.

Do you need to accept your life as it is, and free up vital life energy to create new and wonderful things in your life?

Jess xx