Make Yourself Happy Today

Back when I was at university, I rented a house with two girls. Each Sunday the local florist would sell their flowers cheaply, and each Sunday the girls would do their shopping and come home with beautiful bunches of bright flowers. They would arrange them in vases and enjoy them for the next week or so.

I found this surprising…

Since when did women buy flowers for themselves?

Photo Credit: Karen via Flickr CC

Both girls at the time didn’t have partners, so I assumed that was why they bought themselves flowers. Initially I thought it was a little sad, because I was of the belief that if you wanted to enjoy flowers you needed to wait for that ‘special someone’ to give them to you. There was a problem with my way of thinking though…

I love having fresh flowers in my home; they make me happy and remind me that the world is a beautiful place. The problem was, however, that even though I had a boyfriend, I had only ever received flowers twice in the two years we had been together.

Was he a bad boyfriend? No, not at all.

Was it stupid of me to wait till he thought to give me flowers before I could enjoy the happiness they bring me? Yes, definitely.

I know I’m not the only woman who feels this way about flowers. The problem is many men don’t feel the same way. Flowers aren’t often the first thing they think of when buying you a present. Is there a problem with this? No.

What is a problem though is denying yourself something you love and that brings you joy when it is well within your own reach to make it happen. It only takes $6 to buy a beautiful bunch of Gerberas.

But this isn’t just about flowers, is it? Why do we wait or rely on another person to make us happy? Why do we take such a passive role in our lives sometimes?

I’m not just talking about women either. It’s never a healthy move to defer your happiness to someone else. It’s never a good idea to expect someone to ‘make’ you happy. Not only will you be disappointed, because people aren’t perfect, but it’s an unfair amount of pressure to put on someone else.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t enjoy happiness from those around us and from the relationships we are in...far from it. Relationships are the main area of our lives from which we derive happiness. What I am saying is we shouldn’t look solely to others to fill any ‘gaps’ in our lives.

I dislike when people get married or start a relationship and say the other person had made them ‘whole.’ What a burden for the other person. Relationships challenge you to be better but they shouldn’t ‘complete’ you or make you ‘whole.’ What happens if those relationships change or end for some reason?

“Make yourself happy. Don’t wait for someone else to step into your life before you begin to enjoy the things you love, the things that bring you joy.”

This Friday is Valentine’s Day. Whether you are with someone or not, know that the best way to enjoy happiness in life is to first make yourself happy. The beauty of happy people is they attract other happy people and the cycle is self-perpetuating.

Want more love, excitement and happiness in your life? Go out and get it…like attracts like. (Of yeah, and if you love flowers buy yourself a bunch this week).

xxx Jess xxx

50 Shades of Grey

At the ripe old age of 28 I think I am getting old prematurely…  

   Photo Credit: Artiom Gorgan via Flickr cc

I’m officially part of the 50 Shades of Grey Club (no not the other one!). Doing my hair in the mirror just before Christmas last year, I had the shock most women dread…I discovered my first grey hair…well hairs, plural, actually.

Actually they weren’t even grey, they were white.

Maybe you did what I did when you had your ‘grey moment.’ I thought, “Ah it must just be a really blonde hair” or “Maybe it was just a random one that doesn’t mean anything” or even better, “Maybe it’s just the light.”

For women in particular, issues tied up with beauty and body image are always a bit tricky. I’m not a woman who focuses too much on my appearance, yet there is something about finding your first grey hair that screams “you are getting old,” “you aren’t as young as you used to be.” It’s not the nicest of feelings.

It’s not just women who face these issues though, men do too. But does it really matter? Does it really change your ability to live a happy and fulfilled life? Whether it is grey hair, hair loss, cellulite, stretch marks or another birthday, does it really change anything?

It can if you let it.

“You see, what we choose to say to ourselves, is the most important conversation we will have in the day, and in fact our lives.”

Don’t be fooled…we all talk to ourselves. It is that little voice providing commentary on everything that is happening to you and around you.

Often this little voice focuses on the negatives and the worst case scenarios. Be aware and take note of this inner conversation. If you want to encourage a more upbeat conversation with yourself, don’t always listen to this voice.

Challenge your inner dialogue until what you are saying to yourself is supportive. Challenge your inner voice by asking ‘”Is this really true?” and “Is there another, more positive way, I could view this issue/situation?”  

In the moment I had a small flip out about finding grey hair I knew I had a choice to make: fixate on it and get depressed thinking that my body is changing before I want it to, or shrug my shoulders and have a laugh about it.

Having already gone down the illness path with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at 23, I have long since accepted that our bodies can change at any time, and in ways we might not always like.

So, I chose to have a laugh and see the funny side. I sent my boyfriend a text having a giggle that a ‘white Christmas’ had come early for me. What is the shame after all?

What is your ‘grey moment’ story? What does it mean to you to age with pleasure, not fear?

The Simple Life: Easier Than You Think

“I’ll be happy when I get to go overseas again”, or “I’ll be happier when I can buy a bigger home with a nice backyard,” or even “I’ll be happy when I can retire.” 

It is so easy to get swept up in the things we perceive will make us happy, and miss the fact that we actually need very little to enjoy life.

We often over-complicate life, trying to jam pack too much in, confusing 'wants' with 'needs.'

My beautiful 93 year old nan, who passed away last year, taught me that a simple life is a happy life. We only need the basics to feel content, happy and loved.

Click here to read my article at Make the World Move, on why we should listen up to those who have gone before us.

 

2014: Same Same or Different?

Do you want to make this year count like no other? Are you sick of seeing your dreams confined to paper, or maybe they are still camping out in your mind?

Are you afraid or daunted by what might need to happen to get your life to a point where you can happily say, “Yep, this is it. I’m where I want to be and I love my life”?

Don’t wait till you are ‘ready,’ or all your ducks are lined up. Start now.

Fuelled or Flat? Don’t Let Fear Leave You in Neutral

Do you remember the exhilarating feeling of adrenalin moving through your body after deciding to do something exciting yet scary? Or has this become an unfamiliar feeling to you? Maybe, like me, it’s been too long since you’ve felt that surge of energy.

Stepping out of your comfort zone, while also stepping into a life which truly inspires and excites you, is a sure way to stop feeling flat.    

Most of you know that for the past five years I’ve been living with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This illness has led me down a path that is far more hopeful, compassionate, enjoyable and balanced, yet my ability to set goals and to dream is not like it used to be.

A common by-product of living with illness is low self-esteem. A compromised self-esteem, coupled with low energy, has meant I’ve struggled to know if I’m capable of pulling things off like I used to.  

This was never a problem for me in the past. 

Challenging the Boundaries

Growing up I was into everything. I tried every new venture that sparked my interest. I loved the excitement of pushing myself beyond the things I knew. I took up public speaking, joined the Army Cadets, learnt an instrument, auditioned for school musicals.

I loved exploring those areas which were on the other side of what I knew I could do. The possibility of failure kept me on my toes and keenly engaged in life. I discovered that my capacity to achieve was great, so long as I didn’t let fear hold me back.   

Moving into 2014 I knew I had a strong desire to achieve more than I had been, but I also felt like something was missing.

Tunnel Vision

It was a conversation with my mum about a man who built a tunnel through a mountain in New Zealand that made me realise I was missing the ‘old me.’ I was missing the ‘me’ that would respond to life with more courage, self-belief and vision.

Over the past week I’ve asked myself what I want to achieve this year, and for the first time in years I haven’t discounted the dreams that seemed ‘too big.’

Dreaming big this year isn’t about throwing myself into huge projects that would leave me exhausted and sick. If illness has taught me nothing else, it’s taught me to respect my body, protect my health and live a balanced life.

 

 

For me, ‘dreaming big’ is about letting my mind wander into those enchanted forests of creative ideas and consciously deciding not to let fear be the reason I say no and turn back.

 

 

 

  

 

 

I’m still finessing the shape these creative ideas are going to take this year. I look forward to sharing them with you once they are finalised.

What would you like to achieve this year if you ignored your fear or self-doubt?  

I have friends doing some wonderful things this year - it seems I’m not alone in feeling a need to expand my thinking. I look forward to hearing how 2014 can be the year that stands out for you.

Stay on track, motivated and inspired. Make 2014 the year you live your best life. Click here to receive my fortnightly update or ‘follow by email’ above.  

xxx Jess xxx