Are You In Need Of A ‘Life Renovation’?

Photo Credit: Alan Cleaver via Flickr CC

Is there an area of your life that needs ‘sprucing up,’ or even a complete renovation? Maybe some of your ways of thinking are outdated, too cluttered or simply no longer functional? Maybe your lifestyle has you running from pillar to post with no time for yourself, and you are feeling exhausted.

If your life could be improved, then today is as good a day as any to start a ‘life renovation.’ Too often we put off doing the hard work on areas in our life we know are looking and feeling a bit ‘shabby’ because we feel it is too challenging, overwhelming or we simply don’t know how to start.

While these are very real concerns, if we let these reasons and feelings stop us from moving forward, we will continue to live our lives knowing we are ‘just missing the mark.’ Not a great feeling. We know we will be falling short of what we are capable of, and the happiness and freedom we know we could be experiencing.

If you feel up to the challenge (and it is a challenge!) there is one thing you need to know before you start making big changes in your life. It is something I wish someone had told me years ago… 

Getting Started Is The Hardest Part

This week I have been painting my home and was absolutely amazed at how long it takes to properly prepare a room before putting a brush to the walls! Life can be like this too. When we decide to tackle something big in our lives it is easy to feel overwhelmed and to lose motivation.

Knowing that the beginning of any change is always the hardest (and most time consuming), will help us not to loose heart. It will also prepare us for the ‘negative Nelly’ mental chatter that also happens at this stage.

I have found the little voice that pops into my head at the early stage of any major change or task sounds something like this;

“You are never going to get this done!”

“Who are you fooling, you aren’t cut out to do this.”

“What is wrong with you? Everyone else is doing this so much quicker and so much better than you are.”

Sound familiar?

Personally I think we all go through this at some time or another. The solution, however, isn’t to try to stop these negative internal conversations, but acknowledge them and not ‘buy’ into them or allow them to influence what you do or don’t do in your life.

Hard, right?

These negative internal conversations always focus on our real and perceived weaknesses, making it hard to disentangle from them. While we all have weaknesses, we also have many strengths.

If we want to achieve real and sustained change in our lives, we have to consciously focus on our strengths, rather than fusing with our weaknesses.

Is there an area of your life where your negative inner conversations are stopping you from pushing through? What are you missing out on by allowing these negative views of yourself to dictate your current experience of life and your future direction?

While starting can be slow, it does get easier. You will begin to see progress. Stick with it. You aren’t doing anything wrong. You aren’t slower than everyone else, there is nothing wrong with your personality, stamina, or intellect…this is just how things go.

At times when I was painting I wondered if the job would ever be done. I am happy to say it is done and it looks fabulous. Was it hard? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely. As I have said many times before, quality takes time.

Patience, trust and self-belief are the cornerstones of building the life you want. Persevere and you won’t regret it. Start living your life, your way.

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Jess xxx

Redefining Success

 Photo Credit: Sean McGrath via Flickr CC

What does the word ‘success’ mean to you? Do you think you are living a successful life, or missing the mark in some way? 

Last Thursday night I attended a wonderful photographic exhibition in Surry Hills by photographer, Yve Lavine. The exhibition was part of the Head On Festival and was called Sweet 16. Sweet 16 is a powerful project created around the responses women over 60 gave to the question “What advice would you give your 16 year old self?”

A fascinating question, and one that was discussed in a panel conversation and further explored during a question time. During the discussions an important issue was raised; what does being ‘successful’ mean? This got me thinking, “What does success mean to me and is ‘success’ different from living a ‘successful life’?”

When I started out in my writing career my definition of success was forever shifting. It started with “I will be successful when I get published.” Then it became, “I will be successful when I get regular feature articles published.” Then it became ‘I will be successful when I get published in this particular magazine.” Now it has become, “I will be successful when I have a book published.”

As you can see, defining success by specific goals or events is problematic. When we define success by achievements only, our notion of success always changes and our ‘success high’ is short lived. It also means the deep belief that we are living a meaningful life can seem elusive as the bar is forever shifting.  

There is nothing wrong with working hard to achieve goals, but there is another more lasting and meaningful way, to determine success in our lives that provides a solid point of reference.

Living a Successful Life

Some of the people in the audience put forward the idea that no matter what you do with your life, your life is a success when you can say the following things:

“I live in such a way that I make the world a better place”

“I am a good person”

“I live the best life I can, with what I have”

What a powerful idea that a successful life is a life lived with meaning, purpose and compassion for others. What an empowering idea that success is not what we achieve by others’ standards, but how well we have used the resources available to us.

I have written a lot about this topic, and strongly believe that a happy, successful and meaningful life begins by making the most of what we have, not allowing our limitations to be a barrier to happiness or success. 

Added to this discussion was a great comment made by Alissa Thibault, one of the women on the panel. Alissa believed that we needed to reframe the word ‘success’ with ‘fulfilment.’ She explained that living a successful life should be about living a fulfilling life, whatever shape or form that takes.

Defining success in terms of fulfilment means we can be successful at every stage in our lives, not just when we reach major milestones. Seeing success and fulfilment as intrinsically linked frees us to consider our past, our present and our future from a new perspective. We can look at our life from a perspective that is based on passion, purpose and meaning before we look at other common ‘success’ indicators like job titles, big figure incomes or homes in certain postcodes. 

Defining success in term of fulfilment, passion and compassion, means we can move through life knowing that we can always be living our best life. We can move through life never feeling like a failure or questioning the value of the life we are leading. It also frees us to follow a life that brings joy not only to ourselves but to others also.   

What are your thoughts about success? What does living a successful life mean to you?

Did you find this post helpful? Leave a comment below, send this link to a friend, or sign up to be part of the hope inspired community.

Jess xxx

Have You Found Your Niche Yet?

What has your experience of 2013 been? Have you been able to discover more about yourself? Have you been able to do more things in your life that support your health and happiness? Are you happy or do you still feel like something is missing?

If you feel like something is missing, then “The Law of Dharma” might help you kick start 2014 in a more focused and inspired way. The word ‘dharma’ simply means ‘purpose in life’ in Sanskrit. It’s a fitting time of the year to be discussing purpose in life, as the end of a year nears and the new year looms. What purpose and passion do you want to take into 2014? 

Chopra writes “According to this law, you have a unique talent and a unique way of expressing it. There is something that you can do better than anyone else in the whole world...” Do you know what unique talent you have to offer the world?

Don’t know what your deepest passions are? Think about what activities allow you to lose track of time and feel happiness and contentment? Don’t know what your purpose in life is? Ask yourself what you would do with your life if you had no limitations.

Your answers to these questions will show clearly who you are, what inspires and motivates you, and what things in life will bring you the greatest joy and success. It is these activities that not only come easily to you but also energise you. When you engage with your dharma you feel more alive, more joyful and more content.

Living your dharma is not just about doing the things you love. Using your unique talent to serve others is vital to “The Law of Dharma” says Chopra. “Everyone has a purpose in life...a unique gift or special talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals.”

How could you move into 2014 living more in line with your purpose in life and expressing your unique talents and helping others along the way? As I discussed in my article Loving Your Life, it is ideal to be in a career that that you know is your calling and which you find fulfilling, but sometimes this is not always feasible.

Sometimes you have to step outside of your ideal life and job to get by and to pay the bills. However, even if you are not working in your dream job, in order to be truly happy you have to be engaging with your deepest loves and talents in some way. For some they can do this through their hobbies, on weekends, or after work. 

If you neglect the activities that bring you happiness you do suffer for it. Often you don’t realise you are living a ‘half-life’ until you start to engage again in activities you love. You will then find yourself thinking “so this is living!” Living a ‘half-life,’ ignoring your unique talent and purpose in life impacts on your mental and physical health.

Psychological research has found people with a lack of meaning in their life suffer more from depression and suicidal thoughts. By understanding what your purpose in life is, you will be able to stay focused and positive even when life gets difficult. As Friedrich Nietzsche said “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

It can take some time and life experience to realise what your unique talents are and what your purpose in life is, but once you understand the core of who you are and begin to live accordingly you will begin to feel happier, more energised and more confident.

What Can You Do This Month To Uncover Your Purpose In Life?

• Notice anything you do where you lose track of time and feel happy. Do more of those things.
• Write a list of all the things you would love to do if you had no limitations. Does this list show you something about yourself?
• If you could achieve anything in 2014 what would it be? What are three steps you can take in the new year to bring yourself closer to living your dream life?
• Try making a dream board

Creating a Dream Board

One thing I love doing is creating a ‘dream board.’ The way I create a dream board is to start with a bank piece of cardboard and a variety of magazines. I then flip through the magazines and tear out images or words that resonate with me in some way. I don’t think about what I am tearing out, and I leave it till the end to look at what I have picked. I then stick the images and words to the cardboard.

What forms on your cardboard is a wonderful and true reflection of your life at present. Your fears, dreams, hopes, issues. Seeing your life clearly in this way can be very helpful in thinking about how to move forward in the future. You can hang your dream board up where you can see it or put it away to bring out later as a reflection tool.

Bring your dream board out 12 months later and reflect on where your life is at. Often you will find that many of your issues have been resolved and your dreams realised. Being aware of what you want in life and what is holding you back, and setting those intentions on paper is powerful. It’s a wonderful reminder to follow your dreams and to also trust the process of life.

This was the last in the series I have been doing on Deepak Chopra’s book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.” I hope, like me, that you have found them challenging and inspiring.

I hope that 2013 has been kind to you and has provided you with opportunities to expand your knowledge of yourself and what makes you happy. Life doesn’t run smoothly all the time for anyone and you can find yourself in places you never expected.

With greater self awareness you will be able to weather those storms a little better, taking the lessons learned into your future. I hope that in 2014 you will be able to live just that little bit better, with more happiness, peace and contentment.

Xxx Jessica Stead xxx

Releasing and Letting Go

Have you ever noticed that when you are looking to buy a certain type of car that is all you see on the road? Or maybe when you know someone close to you is pregnant there seems to be pregnant women everywhere? What you spend time thinking about and focusing on magnifies. In Deepak Chopra’s fifth spiritual law of success, “The Law of Intention and Desire,” he says “Whatever you put your attention on will grow stronger in your life. Whatever you take your attention away from will wither, disintegrate, and disappear.”

Where is Your Focus?

What do you focus on in your life? Do you spend most of your time and energy thinking about the negative things happening in your life, or the positives? Is the glass half full or half empty?

If you are like me, maybe you get stuck in the ‘glass half empty’ mentality sometimes. In every situation you have a choice about whether you will focus on the positives or negatives. If you are focusing on the negatives, however, you may be wasting valuable energy. Chopra says that 90% of our obstacles are only perceived, and the remaining 10% you can transform into learning opportunities.

Don’t believe this statistic? I came across the 90/10 spilt when I read Susan Jeffers’ book, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.’’ Jeffers also said that 90% of what you worry about doesn’t happen. I thought this sounded outrageous so I chose to track my worries for a few months. When I looked back, I too found that about 90% of the things I worried about didn’t happen, and the 10% that did happen, I coped with and learnt from.

The lesson...? Don’t let perceived obstacles consume or distract you. By shifting your focus away from perceived negatives and by paying attention to the positives you free up energy and optimism to live a happier and healthier life.

Becoming Intentional

By also forming an intention about what you want to get out of your life, your life becomes richer, more directed and ultimately more fulfilling. Chopra says that while attention energises, intention transforms. So instead of just doing things in your life, reflect and think about what you might be able to achieve while doing those activities.

For example, instead of just going for a walk around the block, set your intention that during your walk you will think about all the wonderful things happening in your life. In that way your walk becomes an intentional act of gratitude and encourages a more optimistic outlook on life which will have transforming effects on your whole life.

Letting Go

Once you have identified your goals and desires, Chopra says you then must release them. Sound counter intuitive? Have you ever tried to hold water in your hand? If you hold it with a fist, the water seeps through. If you softly cup your hand you can hold the water. Like the water, when you try to hold on too tightly to your dreams and desires, you often lose the very thing you are trying to retain.

By releasing your attachment to your desires, it’s easier to stay grounded in the present moment and remain open to life. Rather than getting stuck in what has been or what might be, you can stay focused on what is happening now. You can live your life with more awareness, while also being more aware of new opportunities.

“Relinquish your attachment to the outcome. This means giving up your rigid attachment to a specific result and living in the wisdom of uncertainty. It means enjoying every moment in the journey of your life, even if you don’t know the outcome,” says Chopra.

Part of enjoying your life journey is being able to trust that everything will work out. Chopra encourages us to say to ourselves, “I will release the list of my desires and surrender it to the womb of creation, trusting that when things don’t seem to go my way, there is a reason, and that the cosmic plan has designs for me much grander than even those I have conceived.”

I’m in no doubt that releasing my hopes and desires into the Universe, and trusting that everything happens for a reason, is the best and healthiest way to live. However, it’s easier said than done, isn’t it? It’s not easy to relinquish control. When you realise, however, that control is an illusion, and that you don’t ever know what’s going to happen around the corner, it makes sense to go with the flow of your life, rather than to fight it.

So readers, what do you find the hardest part about embracing life’s uncertainties and releasing your hopes and dreams? Is there an area in your life where less rigidity may actually help you achieve your desired outcome?

Jess xxx

Could Failure Be A Good Thing?

Can you give yourself permission to fail in order to succeed? Too often we live conservative lives for fear that we might 'fail.' In the process, however, we miss out on some of life's most amazing opportunities and lessons. Read more in my latest article 'Failing in Order to Succeed.'  http://www.maketheworldmove.com/failing-in-order-to-succeed-by-jessica-stead-make-the-world-move/