Have You Found Your Niche Yet?

What has your experience of 2013 been? Have you been able to discover more about yourself? Have you been able to do more things in your life that support your health and happiness? Are you happy or do you still feel like something is missing?

If you feel like something is missing, then “The Law of Dharma” might help you kick start 2014 in a more focused and inspired way. The word ‘dharma’ simply means ‘purpose in life’ in Sanskrit. It’s a fitting time of the year to be discussing purpose in life, as the end of a year nears and the new year looms. What purpose and passion do you want to take into 2014? 

Chopra writes “According to this law, you have a unique talent and a unique way of expressing it. There is something that you can do better than anyone else in the whole world...” Do you know what unique talent you have to offer the world?

Don’t know what your deepest passions are? Think about what activities allow you to lose track of time and feel happiness and contentment? Don’t know what your purpose in life is? Ask yourself what you would do with your life if you had no limitations.

Your answers to these questions will show clearly who you are, what inspires and motivates you, and what things in life will bring you the greatest joy and success. It is these activities that not only come easily to you but also energise you. When you engage with your dharma you feel more alive, more joyful and more content.

Living your dharma is not just about doing the things you love. Using your unique talent to serve others is vital to “The Law of Dharma” says Chopra. “Everyone has a purpose in life...a unique gift or special talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals.”

How could you move into 2014 living more in line with your purpose in life and expressing your unique talents and helping others along the way? As I discussed in my article Loving Your Life, it is ideal to be in a career that that you know is your calling and which you find fulfilling, but sometimes this is not always feasible.

Sometimes you have to step outside of your ideal life and job to get by and to pay the bills. However, even if you are not working in your dream job, in order to be truly happy you have to be engaging with your deepest loves and talents in some way. For some they can do this through their hobbies, on weekends, or after work. 

If you neglect the activities that bring you happiness you do suffer for it. Often you don’t realise you are living a ‘half-life’ until you start to engage again in activities you love. You will then find yourself thinking “so this is living!” Living a ‘half-life,’ ignoring your unique talent and purpose in life impacts on your mental and physical health.

Psychological research has found people with a lack of meaning in their life suffer more from depression and suicidal thoughts. By understanding what your purpose in life is, you will be able to stay focused and positive even when life gets difficult. As Friedrich Nietzsche said “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

It can take some time and life experience to realise what your unique talents are and what your purpose in life is, but once you understand the core of who you are and begin to live accordingly you will begin to feel happier, more energised and more confident.

What Can You Do This Month To Uncover Your Purpose In Life?

• Notice anything you do where you lose track of time and feel happy. Do more of those things.
• Write a list of all the things you would love to do if you had no limitations. Does this list show you something about yourself?
• If you could achieve anything in 2014 what would it be? What are three steps you can take in the new year to bring yourself closer to living your dream life?
• Try making a dream board

Creating a Dream Board

One thing I love doing is creating a ‘dream board.’ The way I create a dream board is to start with a bank piece of cardboard and a variety of magazines. I then flip through the magazines and tear out images or words that resonate with me in some way. I don’t think about what I am tearing out, and I leave it till the end to look at what I have picked. I then stick the images and words to the cardboard.

What forms on your cardboard is a wonderful and true reflection of your life at present. Your fears, dreams, hopes, issues. Seeing your life clearly in this way can be very helpful in thinking about how to move forward in the future. You can hang your dream board up where you can see it or put it away to bring out later as a reflection tool.

Bring your dream board out 12 months later and reflect on where your life is at. Often you will find that many of your issues have been resolved and your dreams realised. Being aware of what you want in life and what is holding you back, and setting those intentions on paper is powerful. It’s a wonderful reminder to follow your dreams and to also trust the process of life.

This was the last in the series I have been doing on Deepak Chopra’s book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.” I hope, like me, that you have found them challenging and inspiring.

I hope that 2013 has been kind to you and has provided you with opportunities to expand your knowledge of yourself and what makes you happy. Life doesn’t run smoothly all the time for anyone and you can find yourself in places you never expected.

With greater self awareness you will be able to weather those storms a little better, taking the lessons learned into your future. I hope that in 2014 you will be able to live just that little bit better, with more happiness, peace and contentment.

Xxx Jessica Stead xxx

Embracing Uncertainty

How do you feel about uncertainty? Do you do everything imaginable to try to control what happens in your life? It’s not unusual to desire control after you experience unhappy or traumatic events in life. Desiring control can be an unconscious attempt to ensure that you don’t have to deal with any more negative ‘surprises’ in life. Control is often an attempt at self-protection. Sound familiar?

I knew this feeling well after losing my health through Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at age 23, and when my Dad passed away suddenly one night at the age of 61. The old saying of having the rug pulled out from under you is definitely how I felt. Despite knowing that I couldn’t control what happened in my life - as these two circumstances had clearly shown me - I still tried nevertheless.

Trying to control the uncontrollable, however, is exhausting. By looking out for ‘attacks’ or ‘risks’ that might undermine my current situation, I end up anxious and unhappy. In Deepak Chopra’s book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success,” in the sixth law, “The Law of Detachment,” he explains that when we seek certainty in life, we are actually reacting to our feelings of insecurity and fear.

Chopra proposes that instead of seeking the ‘elusive’ sense of certainty in life, we should embrace the inherent wisdom of uncertainty.

The Wisdom of Uncertainty

Within uncertainty is the possibility of change. While change can be scary, it can also open up opportunities for new and exciting developments in your life. Change can also provide the opportunity to free yourself from your past, breaking cycles that no longer serve you.

When you resist change and stick with what you know you cease to grow as a person. Chopra writes;

The search for security and certainty is actually an attachment to the known. And what’s the known? The known is the past. The known is nothing other than the prison of past conditioning. There’s no evolution in that – absolutely none at all. And when there is no evolution, there is stagnation, entropy, disorder and decay.

Releasing your need for certainty, and unbinding yourself from your attached ideas about life, your journey will become more exciting, less stressful and more successful.

It’s worth remembering that there are always multiple ways to reach your goals and dreams. By attaching your happiness to one version of how your life should unfold, you limit yourself. ‘...If you have a very clear idea of what’s going to happen and you get rigidly attached to it, then you shut out a whole range of possibilities,” says Chopra.

“With uncertainty factored in, you might change direction in any moment if you find a higher ideal, or if you find something more exciting. You are also less likely to force solutions on problems, which enables you to stay alert to opportunities,” continues Chopra.

When faced with uncertainty most of us fail to remember how adaptable we are as human beings. When I was young my family moved out of the home I had grown up in. I feared that I wouldn’t cope with the change. Within a week of being in our new home, however, I had almost forgotten what it was like to live in our old home.

In times of uncertainty it can help to remind yourself that it is likely you will deal with change more successfully than you give yourself credit for.

“The Law of Detachment” teaches that by embracing uncertainty and detaching from specific outcomes, you can begin to live a life that is driven by adventure and curiosity, and less by fear and insecurity. There are many paths that lead to your hopes and dreams and embracing uncertainty encourages you to be more flexible, accepting and adaptable to the surprising nature of life.

How could you embrace uncertainty in your life at the moment?

Jessica Stead xxx

Releasing and Letting Go

Have you ever noticed that when you are looking to buy a certain type of car that is all you see on the road? Or maybe when you know someone close to you is pregnant there seems to be pregnant women everywhere? What you spend time thinking about and focusing on magnifies. In Deepak Chopra’s fifth spiritual law of success, “The Law of Intention and Desire,” he says “Whatever you put your attention on will grow stronger in your life. Whatever you take your attention away from will wither, disintegrate, and disappear.”

Where is Your Focus?

What do you focus on in your life? Do you spend most of your time and energy thinking about the negative things happening in your life, or the positives? Is the glass half full or half empty?

If you are like me, maybe you get stuck in the ‘glass half empty’ mentality sometimes. In every situation you have a choice about whether you will focus on the positives or negatives. If you are focusing on the negatives, however, you may be wasting valuable energy. Chopra says that 90% of our obstacles are only perceived, and the remaining 10% you can transform into learning opportunities.

Don’t believe this statistic? I came across the 90/10 spilt when I read Susan Jeffers’ book, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.’’ Jeffers also said that 90% of what you worry about doesn’t happen. I thought this sounded outrageous so I chose to track my worries for a few months. When I looked back, I too found that about 90% of the things I worried about didn’t happen, and the 10% that did happen, I coped with and learnt from.

The lesson...? Don’t let perceived obstacles consume or distract you. By shifting your focus away from perceived negatives and by paying attention to the positives you free up energy and optimism to live a happier and healthier life.

Becoming Intentional

By also forming an intention about what you want to get out of your life, your life becomes richer, more directed and ultimately more fulfilling. Chopra says that while attention energises, intention transforms. So instead of just doing things in your life, reflect and think about what you might be able to achieve while doing those activities.

For example, instead of just going for a walk around the block, set your intention that during your walk you will think about all the wonderful things happening in your life. In that way your walk becomes an intentional act of gratitude and encourages a more optimistic outlook on life which will have transforming effects on your whole life.

Letting Go

Once you have identified your goals and desires, Chopra says you then must release them. Sound counter intuitive? Have you ever tried to hold water in your hand? If you hold it with a fist, the water seeps through. If you softly cup your hand you can hold the water. Like the water, when you try to hold on too tightly to your dreams and desires, you often lose the very thing you are trying to retain.

By releasing your attachment to your desires, it’s easier to stay grounded in the present moment and remain open to life. Rather than getting stuck in what has been or what might be, you can stay focused on what is happening now. You can live your life with more awareness, while also being more aware of new opportunities.

“Relinquish your attachment to the outcome. This means giving up your rigid attachment to a specific result and living in the wisdom of uncertainty. It means enjoying every moment in the journey of your life, even if you don’t know the outcome,” says Chopra.

Part of enjoying your life journey is being able to trust that everything will work out. Chopra encourages us to say to ourselves, “I will release the list of my desires and surrender it to the womb of creation, trusting that when things don’t seem to go my way, there is a reason, and that the cosmic plan has designs for me much grander than even those I have conceived.”

I’m in no doubt that releasing my hopes and desires into the Universe, and trusting that everything happens for a reason, is the best and healthiest way to live. However, it’s easier said than done, isn’t it? It’s not easy to relinquish control. When you realise, however, that control is an illusion, and that you don’t ever know what’s going to happen around the corner, it makes sense to go with the flow of your life, rather than to fight it.

So readers, what do you find the hardest part about embracing life’s uncertainties and releasing your hopes and dreams? Is there an area in your life where less rigidity may actually help you achieve your desired outcome?

Jess xxx

The Path of Least Resistance

Do you ever stop to consider how you use your energy? Would you be surprised to learn that how you think about your life, can either zap or generate energy? Following on from my last post, “Loving Your Life,” I will share with you three of Deepak Chopra’s ideas that will help you conserve and use your energy in life affirming ways.

In Chopra’s fourth spiritual law, “The Law of Least Effort,” he explains that to do this you must free and re-direct your energy by learning the art of acceptance, responsibility and defencelessness. By doing this you can live a life with less resistance and more joy.

1. Acceptance

When you get stuck on what could have been, and stress over what might be, you deplete your body of vital energy...it’s exhausting. You can’t change the past and you can’t control the future, but you can choose how you respond to your present moment.

Chopra suggests that the first secret to living an easier life is to accept your present reality. He explains that this means accepting that ‘…this moment is as it should be.” However, it doesn’t mean giving up on what you desire. “You can wish for things in the future to be different, but in this moment you have to accept things as they are.”

What are the benefits of ‘going with’ your reality instead of resisting it? Chopra says “Any time you encounter resistance, recognize that if you force the situation, the resistance will only increase.” Does this sound familiar to you?

Have you been in a situation that you tried to force, only to end flat on the floor, exhausted, and no closer to your goal? I certainly have. I think Chopra is right, don’t push back against resistance or you will only meet more resistance. You will have expended all your energy and will have nothing to show for it, except maybe more frustration than you when started.

Instead of resisting what is, Chopra encourages us to have patience and to trust. Just like a good gardener, Chopra tells us to plant the seeds of your dreams and desires, to nurture them, but ultimately to wait for the right season for them to bloom. Too many times, you become impatient and begin to dig up those seeds looking for shoots, killing off any chance of your dreams taking root and then blossoming in the future.

When you realise that life unfolds as it’s meant to, you free yourselves of so much anxiety, fear and stress. As the Bible says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything. In life there will be good times and bad times, times of success and failure, sadness and happiness, richness and poverty, health and illness. Understanding and accepting that this is what makes up life, you can begin to move through these times with confidence that you don’t need to resist the natural ebb and flow of life.

Free up vital energy by accepting your life as it is today, be patient and trust that good things will happen in the future, and redirect your energy in positive and loving ways.

How can you do that? Chopra’s next tip is to come to terms with your own responsibility in life and your own power to change how you feel about your circumstances.

2. Responsibility

Feel upset about certain events or how you have been treated in the past? It isn’t people or events you are reacting to when you get upset; rather, you are reacting to your feelings about those events and people, explains Chopra.

Want more control over how you feel about your life? Stop blaming anyone or anything else for your situation and begin responding to how you feel and change it, says Chopra. He encourages us to look beyond the issues you are dealing with to see what you can learn.

“All problems contain the seeds of opportunity, and this awareness allows you to take the moment and transform it to a better situation or thing…you will have many teachers around you, and many opportunities to evolve,” says Chopra.

3. Defencelessness

Lastly, Chopra’s third suggestion is to give up the desire or ‘need’ to convince others of your point of view. This is a major energy zapper and often has little impact. Not only shouldn’t you argue your point of view, Chopra encourages us to have an open mind explaining, “You don’t want to stand rigid like a tall oak that cracks and collapses in the storm. Instead, you want to be flexible, like a reed that bends with each storm and survives.”

If you are like me, then you will also need regular reminders that joy and peace aren’t found by resiting your life, but by embracing your life with acceptance and responsibility. You only need to look back on your life to see how true this fourth spiritual law is.

Recently I was resisting my life and getting increasingly agitated that things weren’t unfolding as I had hoped and expected. I was getting further and further into a hole, created by my own mindset and my gritted determination to ‘make it happen.’ Needless to say, nothing did happen. I was stuck in an utterly frustrating holding pattern.

It was only when I accepted things as they were, chose to re-direct my energy into new ideas and projects, and decided to let those other issues unfold as they needed to, that things began to really change.

Within a week the goals I had been pushing for months, were realised! Yes, it took longer than I had hoped, but it had happened. I sat back and thought “wow, what a waste of energy that was getting so agitated when things felt like they weren’t moving.” I hope next time I meet life’s roadblocks I can remember that everything unfolds in its own time, and not to get caught up in what I think ‘should’ be happening.

Do you need to accept your life as it is, and free up vital life energy to create new and wonderful things in your life?

Jess xx